(Chorus)

Weed, weed, weed, you're a bittersweet mistress
Why'd you have to turn me into such a lazy bitch?
This shit's the shit. Oh, I fuckin' quit
Weed, weed, weed, you know you make me forget
About all of my troubles and my grocery list
This shit's the shit. Oh, I fuckin' quit

I used to hustle weed by the slew. It's true, I never grew
But I made sure I always had a baggie bigger than you
But it was a pain in the ass; it wasn't paying too fast
Now keep the same size bag, but I ain't slangin' my stash,
I fuckin' smoke it. But can't nobody smoke in my pad
Got a three year old at home. Yeah, that's right, bitch, I'm a dad
And you might think it's irresponsible for me to get high
But he don't see that side of me; he gonna' be better than I was

If I had a nickel for every dime bag I've scooped up,
I'm pretty sure that by now I'd have at least a million bucks
And if I did my friend, I tell you what I'd do right now
I'd spend nine hundred, ninety nine thou on fuckin' weed and take out.

I'll never get high, that's what I used to say
Now I'm goin' broke 'cause I smoke like everyday
It's getting harder to tell if it's the cause or it's the cure
So maybe next week I'm fuckin' quittin' for sure

Chorus

For every time that I've used weed to pick me up
There's two or three occasions when my habit's kicked me in the nuts
If I had never toked, I'd probably have a college degree
Now if that's not a tragedy, then you tell me what is, bitch

I'm wishin' that I had stuck to the plan
Instead of sittin' here with a blunt and beer in hand
It's getting easy to see that it's the cause and not the cure
So maybe next week, I'm fuckin' quittin' for sure

And when I say it, yo, I gotta quit
I'm smokin' what I've got and I got … I've got a lot of it
The problem is that every time I finish up a bag
My buddy comes by, see, and offers me a little shwag
So what the fuck's a smoker supposed to say to that, "No?"
I don't think so, "thank you, please pass the Indo!"
Friends don't let friends drink and drive,
But ain't nobody causin' crashes 'cause they got so crazy high
So let's ride

But we ain't got no place to go
Because the more and more you smoke, you know you start to get slow
And the more and more you smoke, you know you start to go broke
Before you know it you're a chinky-eyed, broke-ass slow poke
And I would know

Shit man, I smoke a gang of weed
It's hard to breathe now, feels like somebody strangled me
Sometimes I get the feelin' it's time to make a little change
Before I really fuck up, and my whole family is ashamed of me

But every time I quit, feels like I'll always be the same
Believe me, bitches, I try; It's just this weed is so insanely green
So if you wanna fuck with the bittersweet mistress
Just remember what I said, cuz after that you won't remember shit

Chorus